Anxiety

Outfit deets:

* Mexx bubble top (old).

* Winners crochet skirt (new!), layered over a (aqua) Costa Blanca gauzy skirt I’ve had for a year but hadn’t ripped the tags off until this day.  The crochet skirt has a same-colour slip/lining but it’s somewhat translucent so I tucked that under the aqua skirt

* Kelsi Dagger ‘Genelle‘ wedges (new!) that I scored at Winners for half the price they currently retail for.

* Accessories:  J.Crew necklace & Joe Fresh bangle (these two seem to go hand-in-hand).

In all my life, I never experienced anxiety.  I knew
people who had it, touched it, felt it, but not me.  I didn’t understand
how it felt or why they couldn’t shake it or what was going on in their
bodies, that is, until I went through my divorce.

In the months leading up to us separating, I was panged with
anxiety.  A ‘perfect’ life turned upside down, being pulled in opposite
directions and my heart fighting with my head caused major anxiety to
ensue.  I remember being in the shower trying to catch my breath and
being unable to.  I finally understood what people meant when they said
they suffered from anxiety.

The shortness of breath and jitter-like feelings came and went. 
Some days I would be fine, other days it would come on suddenly like the
snap of fingers.  It was incurable, and it simply had to be lived
through. 

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom on the phone, all teary
eyed and upset, I couldn’t shake my anxiety over whatever emotions were
passing through my body.  I confessed to her that I had never had
anxiety before and she said up until the separation, my life had been a
fairly flat line.  Not a flat line that was boring or unexciting, no no,
there were many happy, exciting, wonderful times, but there were no
real devastating times that crushed me to the core and shook me like my
divorce has.  In a way, I should be so grateful to have experienced this
wonderful life up until the ripe age of 27, but at the same time,
facing anxiety has been, well, interesting, to say the least (and to put
an optimistic spin on it
).

And now, although much time has passed and I have moved forward and
am in a pretty great place, the anxiety still rears its’ ugly head every
now and again and it’s funny how not alone you really are.  A text from
a good friend the other day sparked this post as she wrote to me, ‘Do you ever
get an insane amount of anxiety for no real reason at all?’  My answer?
Yes (in big bold letters!).  On top of that, I had been feeling anxious
all morning for no real reason. 

I know I have talked about feeling anxious over the Internet and Social Media, and maybe you can bundle them all together, but sometimes I
feel they are so separate and the worry that overwhelms me is simply
hard to get rid of.  When I can’t sleep, I try to make small notes in my
iPhone; this 1) ensures I don’t forget things come morning, and 2)
allows me to let go of the things on my mind so I can sleep.  These notes are silly little things as simply as, ‘Pick up
tissue paper at the Dollar Store.  Clean the zippers on my OTK boots so
they don’t stick over the summer months.  Return the F21 top that
doesn’t fit.
‘ etc.  They seem to help. 

The most recent thing I have come up with to battle my anxiety is to
relax my knees.  Okay, I know this sounds a little bit absurd, but if
you suffer from anxiety, I urge you to try it.  You need to really focus
on your knees to relax them and in turn your whole body kind of
exhales.  Our bodies get so tense throughout the day, especially if
you’re anxious, so to take even 15 seconds to relax your knees, will at
least offer 15 seconds of relief.  Try it, I dare you!

Have you ever experienced anxiety?  Known someone who has?  Do you get what I’m talking about?

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